it's been awhile

i wish i spent more time to write.
i wish i spent more time to reflect.
i wish i spent less time updating my facebook status.
masking my thoughts into a one sentence summary.

i think i find a home in doing that
because if people ask
i can lie
i can say i'm quoting a song
i can say it means nothing.
more than half that ask believe me.

which is a little disappointing.

i mean, i guess there is a reason i do this.
why i hint at my emotions
i have a feeling that i need people to know
but i am too self conscious to lay my emotions on the line

i am too secretive to tell what i am thinking
but that is also because i am unsure.
i am never convinced about anything
i would describe myself as indecisive.
which i believe directly correlates with not knowing oneself.
when do we know that we have met ourselves?

because no one lives in our minds.
people say they can know others inside and out
but i find this highly untrue
we all change so frequently
how could we ever keep someone updated?
we have our most personal thoughts
and our unconscious needs.
these change in regards to our environment
our environment constantly changes
so what in life can we consider our constant?
our "control group" per say.

if everything changes, everything renews
how do things stay the same?
is it because we conform to ideals?
do we ultimately strive to conform to our:
stereotypes, cliques, jobs, family?
and for those considered "independent"
we are still giving ourselves that title.
we are choosing to be a "non-conformist"
but really, conforming to be that.

so if everything changes
nothing stays the same
if nothing stays the same,
how do we have common knowledge?
this common knowledge comes from titles
these titles have definitions
and we all live up to these definitions
if we don't fit,
we will find another
and we do this with or without knowing it

funny how the world works.