light

i never open my blinds.
my room is on the south side of the house.
i like natural light
but not piercing sunlight in the morning.

i don't like the stream of cold air
especially in the winter.

i like my warm room.
i like the yellow aura of light.

but the underlying reason,
that i hate my blinds open-
its a reminder.

a reminder that my best friend is gone.
i used to look out and smile.
to know she was there.

i used to open my window
and hear music playing
dogs barking
i heard my family.

i am sick today.
it was raining
i love rain
i opened my blinds
to see the water drops on the glass.

3 hours later i looked outside
it was dark.
i was then shocked by a sight.
which was surprising
because i knew it would happen.

there was a light in her window.
except she wasn't in the room.
the new neighbors are here.
but they will never be family.
i can't call it their house.

because the memories i keep
of that house
don't involve them.
they are kind visitors.
not residents.

i look at a reminder every day
but night is a time
that i can at least pretend.

maybe i will close my blinds.
they are called blinds for a reason.
i don't want to open my eyes
to the fact
that you're gone.